


In An Alternate Universe

by Annibellee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Death, I'm not nice to characters, Multi, Other, Tav's POV, drug use and mention, sadness guys for real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 06:18:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4511073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annibellee/pseuds/Annibellee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate universe you would have done things so much differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

You settle yourself down at the lunch table, surrounded by your friends, except for one of course. You sigh and momentarily place your head in your hands. ‘ _Not again’._ Your friends seem to be sharing similar thoughts, sour expressions on their faces, or sad ones. It depends on who you glance at. Suddenly all eyes are on you. With a huff you abandon your lunch and stand, then proceed to make your way to where you know your best friend is most likely to be.

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! He is exactly where you assumed he’d be stationed. Second floor bathroom, in the only unmonitored hall in the school during lunch. You knock on his exact stall he holes himself up in every time. He really lacks mystery.

“Gamzee, let’s talk about it, uh…please,” you begin, not bothering with hellos. You hope you’re not too late.

A laugh bubbles through the air.

“Oh come on, brother,” he extends the ‘n’ by about five times the duration it is normally held out. “I’m just trying to have some motherfuckin’ fun,” he tries to reason. You’ve heard it all before.

“This isn’t just fun bro, and we both know it. Please come out and eat lunch with us, or, uh, at least tell me what’s up,” you say, trying not to let it get to you as much as it normally does. You hear a long sigh, but you don’t know what it really means. The stall doesn’t open.

“It ain’t even a thing Tavbro, I’m just trying to get my chill on,” he tries to assure you, and you hear him swirling his bottle of blue pills in his hands, you know them well. You let out a breath of relief you didn’t know you were holding. At least he hadn’t gotten to take them yet.

“Gamzee, I assure you, uhm, you can have just as much fun with everyone at the table. Hey, I’ll even, uh, I’ll share my lunch with you. I convinced my dad to buy a bottle of Faygo and you can, uhm, you can have some too.”

He chuckles, but not in the good way. “Listen to you, man, all up and trying to persuade me like I’m some kid with a sugar problem,” he says and continues laughing. Suddenly he becomes serious and the laughter stops. The quiet is broken with a shout. “I’m such a FUCKING joke!” He punches the side of the stall and keeps laughing, becoming hysterical. It’s definitely bad today. He needs more than you. Despite this, if you want him to not shove his face with the pills you have to keep him talking.

“You’re not a joke, and I’m not trying to persuade you. I just, uh, I know you like it so I’m offering to share is all,” you say softly while you pull out your phone, quietly texting Karat that it’s a bad day. You know he’ll understand. Now that you’ve sent it you know he’ll be here any minute now.

“Tav do you think I’m mother fuckin’ STUPID?” he yells again, then slips back into laughter. He hasn’t stopped yet. “I’m just gonna get my good time on now, it’s okay, go eat your lunch man. It’s cool,” he giggles and you hear the pill bottle shake as he attempts to open it. “Fuckin’ child lock,” he mumbles darkly and you hear a resonant pop.

Karkat walks in at just the right time as usual, screaming, also as usual.

“Gamzee you better fucking put those down right now!” he shrieks and pushes past you to rap on the door of the stall. “Now get your ass out of there or I’ll fuckin break the door down!”

The recipient of said shrieking groans. “Aw come on Kar, let a bro have some fun! You have no need to be all up’n worrying like you are. Just relax, man,” he drags out the syllables of every other word. It is then that it occurs to you that the only reason he hasn’t taken the blue pills is that he spent the time before you got there smoking. You almost bring your palm to your forehead.

Karkat lets out a sound resembling a growl. “I’m not gonna tell you again you shit, get out of the stall NOW!” A moment of silence, then some shuffling and the rattling sound is produced then muffled. He’s put them away, thank god. Karkat looks at you, the muscles of his contorted face have even relaxed some. He jerks his head toward the exit, a sign for you to go. You frown, and stare at the stall before nodding and making your way back to the table. You hear Karkat’s voice, quieter now as you leave.

In an alternate universe you might have been the one to take a stand and make him leave the stall.


	2. Two

You walk into Gamzee’s house (technically apartment) after him and glance around, wondering how his mother has set everything up this week. She doesn’t spend time out of work doing anything besides watching TV and rearranging the small living room according to ideas that the TV has given her. Kurloz is in his room he and Gamzee share, judging by the noises being emitted from his game console.

The furniture isn’t too much different, just that the two couch sections are switched around his time, and there she is. She doesn’t acknowledge the fact that you both are there, a dopey smile stuck on her face as she intently observes the TV before her. He waves for you to follow him, though he really doesn’t need to at this point.

The door to his bedroom is opened and it spits out smoke, though by the smell it’s only vape today so it continues to stay open. Kurloz must be out of paraphernalia, either that or Gamzee hid it again so that he wouldn’t blow through it without sharing.

Gamzee snorts, “brother you’ve got to get another flavor, this one is gonna start givin’ me a headache,” shoes are kicked off and you begin situating yourself on Gamzee’s ratty bed. He soon joins you, pulling his backpack up to his chest. You were right about him hiding his stash again, you note, as he pulls out his little, blue glass bowl. The piece was adorned by random, marble-resembling swirls with orange flecks throughout. He looks toward the door and back to Kurloz. “You gonna get the door so we can smoke some real shit?” he asks with a goofy grin, completely inappropriate for his tone.

The door is quickly shut and Kurloz is suddenly seated next to you. Gamzee goes about his business and soon he’s got his lighter at the ready. “Want any today?” he stops and looks to you, pushing his full hands toward your face.

You shake your head to decline and he just shrugs, it’s become a true routine.

“Alright Tav,” he says like you’re really missing out, lights up, takes his hit, and passes his piece across you to Kurloz.

Time passes comfortably. You start on your homework and somewhere along the line you convince Gamzee to at least look at his, though you do almost choke on the thick air a few times. You feel yourself getting a little lightheaded and you know that they successfully hot-boxed the room. Your chest eventually settles and you’re calm. You clumsily stash away your homework, and you can’t help but be all smiles. Gamzee looks so at peace as he stares mutely at the ceiling, eyes glazed over and his lips pinched into a smile that almost counts. Reality claws at your head and you take in his thin form. You wonder if it’s healthy for him to smoke the way he does and skip meals, on top of all of the ridiculous pills he practically inhales. Today was a good day for him though! You physically shake your head, thinking that may work to clear your thoughts. Thinking it may help not to think about it.

It doesn’t.

In an alternate universe you might tell him out right that none of this is good for him, and it’s especially not good to teach his brother.


	3. Three

For all of the close calls and everything your group of friends had been through, you were surprised that you all made it these past four years. It made you so proud of every one of them, and it gave you real hope.

Graduation day was the most beautiful you’d ever experienced in your life. It was the first day you saw Gamzee cry tears of joy, jumping around in the silly cap and gown he’d decorated in the style of a clown, in his own little world now that the ceremony came to a close. He always was an odd one, you mused.

Sollux and Eridan were having a hugging match, trying to crush each other in the friendliest way they could think of for the occasion, Feferi was the nervous referee. Karkat’s shoulders sagged with relief as Dave pulled him into a surprisingly gentle hug of his own. Nepeta and Aradia were chittering to themselves, simultaneously snapping pictures of everyone when they weren’t looking, Equius was looming behind them with a content expression. John, Terezi, and Vriska were keeping up with their normal banter, with Jade and Terezi cackling as Vriska cracked John deviously over the head.

Rose and Kanaya were observing like you were, holding hands and giggling every so often at your group’s antics. It seemed you were the only one on your own, but you weren’t very disappointed, really. It actually gave you a moment to take in it all in, to ponder over your friends’ growth. You’d made it this far, and you had a feeling things were really going to work out.

You wish you could say you weren’t so terribly wrong.

In an alternate universe you might not have been so disappointed.


	4. Four

Finishing high school seemed to be the marker of the beginning, but you had been a fool, looking back on it. It was just an end.

Most of your friends went off to different colleges, strewn out across the country, some even the world. Sollux and Equius of course had been the first ones off, and hadn’t really applied as much as they had been thrown at with offers from colleges who wanted them. You heard about them from some of your other friends sometimes, and you talked to Sollux about once after his departure in a letter, and that was it and that was that. You weren’t really that friendly with them anyway.

Feferi was the next to go off, accepted quickly by a top quality college that was oh-so-easily affordable to her, Eridan, much less to her distaste as she would originally admit, tailed her like the lovesick puppy he was. She was grateful to have their friendship follow. Despite being the wonderful and talented person she was, she was also prone to nervousness in situations such as these, whether she’d own up to it or not. Never having been that close with either in the first place made it easier to console yourself when both ceased contact about a year later. Occasionally you’d hear snippets about them murmured in grocery store isles but nothing more.

Kanaya and Rose soon then ran off together to some other country doing god knows what. You were pretty sure at the time that it was Italy, but it turned out to be France, and it made more sense. They’d always been cliche romantics. Kanaya was wonderful and would send letters from her and Rose, but soon they started dwindling. You last spoke to them two months after your twenty-second birthday.

Aradia and Karkat bounded out after their destinies next, going to different, but decent colleges. Dave met Karkat shortly after, finding himself unable to pull off long distance. He didn’t go to college, but he did end up somehow making it big in the film industry. Karkat is a well-known author now, like you always knew he could be. Aradia became a paleontologist, there were no surprises for you on that front, other than the fact that out of the three mentioned she was the one you had a falling out with two years after Rose and Kanaya forgot about you. Dave and Karkat occasionally shot you a text, despite their busy lives.

Nepeta became a famous painter, and you were so proud of her it almost made your chest ache sometimes when you thought of it. She’s always been so sweet, and you still talk about once a week. Once a year you meet up, and it’s nice. Terezi finally decided to go to college when Nepeta was first featured in a modern art museum, and now she’s well on her way to being a judge. You rarely talk to her, but when you do it’s because she’s with Nepeta at your meetups.

Vriska and John eloped after graduation, and John took a year off from school. When he went back he was still sharp as a tack, so much so that he’s one of the world’s top biologists. Vriska has been content staying at home, and eventually being a mom. It took you by surprise, it took everyone by surprise, and what surprised you even more is that you talk all the time. John not as much, but since you had a fling with Vriska in eleventh grade when she and John broke up for a while she seemed to develop a soft spot for you.

Jade became a botanist of sorts, and it was quite interesting to you, so you began to frequent her gardens and plant sanctuaries. You actually plan on going to see her tomorrow.

You took some online classes, though you didn’t really need to, because your dad had a job waiting for you. It’s still going steady after six years, and you even enjoy it. You live in your own apartment, never really finding the need to buy yourself anything bigger.

Gamzee, on the other hand, never went to college. He never got a job. For a little while he boarded up with you and it was some of the best fun you’d had in your life. He was happy, he was off the pills with a little help, and he hardly smoked anymore. That is, until Kurloz died. The kid was barely eighteen, and he overdosed on heroin.

Things turned for the worst and Gamzee fled town. Your best friends were all gone and it was just you. For six months you searched for him, but he obviously didn’t want to be found. You knew how he was, and you figured he’d recover eventually. New people came in and out of your life and it was all a blur for another four months after that.

You then, today, got the call.

In an alternate universe, you hope you may have done more to prevent this.


	5. Five

Even after all of his absence, every time a phone rang your stomach jumped up your throat, only to be someone who wasn’t him. You told yourself it was okay, he’d come back eventually.

Then today day it was him, and yet it wasn’t. You almost dropped to your knees. Gamzee had no family, his mother having killed herself a few weeks before Gamzee fled, but you were the most recent contact in his cell phone, so they called you.

It was kind of like walking into another universe after that. You called Jade with trembling hands, but when she answered with a cheery _“Hello!”_ all you could do was cry.

_“Oh no,”_

She assured you that she would be over in ten minutes flat, and you couldn’t bear to hang up with her, and she stayed on the line without being told. Soon the door busted open and she rushed in, immediately wrapping herself around you. You wailed and willed him to come back, eyes closed, you willed him to come home. Eyes open you saw that you were not going to be granted that.

In an alternate universe you may have been able to kiss him to life, to grant yourselves that.


	6. Six

It was so bright and sunny and not at all fitting the circumstance of today.

When you’d attended a funeral for the first time, at the passing of your mother at only eight years old, you remember feeling as though the rainy day was mocking your tears, feeling as though the rain was making it worse.

Today you wish it were raining, because your world stopped smiling and the sun is for sweaty smoke sessions and bunches of laughter and smiles piercing the thick, humid air.

The sun is for sleepovers that don’t really involve as much sleeping as they do waiting for the sun to give a picture perfect moment.

The sun is for new high school graduates who wake up early after their release just to give the world a smile and remember they can go back to bed.

The sun is for roommates who spend too much time for the night in a bar, only to leave them giddy and awed by the sun outside.

So, no, today doesn’t deserve the amount of sunlight that is beating on your back, making you sweat in your nicest black suit amongst people you should have been meeting up with under different circumstances.

Today deserved a tearful sky, to help mask the ones that people are crying, gathered around a headstone. Fifteen stand only because sixteen is now a foreign number.

Karkat faces away from everyone, leaning against the back of a headstone, head hung and soft crying noises wafting from him. Dave has a hand on his shoulder, and their adoptive son hugs Dave’s leg, all but pleading for an explanation. Everyone else looks forlorn, all standing at a distance away from one another, like the others were aliens. You, Jade, Nepeta, and Feferi cry.

John and Vriska stand way back with their own children, who are confused as to why their parents are solemn for probably the first time ever.

Today deserved a tearful sky, because this was no happy occasion, and sweat is not a deserving substitute. You look to the clear blue sky, red faced and eyes blown wide, hiccupping a little, praying for grey clouds _(like face paint on Halloween)_ to pour on you.

You remember the feeling of wishing to be in an alternate universe, wishing for a world where Gamzee’s unfortunate circumstances cease, for years you have done this.

What you did not wish for was the solution to be found through a bullet to the head, and a system full of heroin.

In an alternate universe you would have done things so much differently.

 


End file.
